Saturday, September 11, 2010
A new little motto/mantra for me. I have returned to journaling. Well at least for one day. I need to say with it. I noticed that i was numbing and becoming quite down over the last week. That is probably fitting considering what is going on. A lot of which i do not feel is right to share here. Yes funny when you look at some of the things i have shared, but they were about me. Some of the things involve others and i am not ready to share the impact on me yet fully. Partly because i am still figuring out what they do mean and how much they do affect me.
So why these words? I think they fit best with the path or journey that i am on. Love is the most pure thing. 1 Corinthians gives a beautiful illustration of it. And it is something that I am pushing someone else to choose, so I better be doing the same myself! So i need to look at my feelings, actions and reactions through this filter first. And sometimes loving myself to put an end to any pain or hurt does fit this model-at least for me and where I am now.
Grow- We have 2 choices grow or die. I pick grow. It seems to fit best and I am not ready to die. I have 2 beautiful children who i made commitment to when i wanted them. And yes inside and the hope that should rule all of us does count. Again at least to me. I want to teach my girls to reach for the stars. To choose the best and to give that back to the world.
Trust-- as a christian this should be the easiest to claim, but for me I find it the hardest. To surrender, sit back and let God. Let's just say this is not my first impulse. But this is big enough and important enough that no one else is worthy of working on it. So it i mean and truly believe what I claim then i need to sit back and trust God to do what is best. It still does not take away the sting of a no. Getting that answer as a final might just break my heart- lucky for me i know someone with specializes in fixing those.
So instead of eat pray love go out and love, grow and trust.