Saturday, February 13, 2010

2 Nights in a Row

Yeah yes through the night in her own crib 2 nights in a row. It is the best birthday gift for me. One year ago i found out we were expecting a precious baby girl. I have started another post on that issue and will develop my thoughts specific to that later in that post. This one is happy and full of celebration. In some ways the gap i have is very fun. My oldest daughter made me a cake today and it was very fun to wake and cuddle a baby. The morning are sooo much easier at least for me when she sleeps a 5 hour block and even better if it is in her crib. She never sleeps that well in my bed. I wonder if she smells the milk and at every little move wakes to get it because of proximity? Really something to wonder.

But really it is such a treat to have a baby for whom i am so it. Maybe i am a lot more narcissistic then i want to admit. My angel just woke from her nap much happier then she did first thing this morning. I feel so bad for Kevin when she gets like that, but at the same time it feels so good. Also i know it must pain my 14 year old to see so much go into the baby, but i tray as best i can to balance. Or maybe it is just how very little i am allowed.

As much as so much of what i went through during the pregnancy was so traumatic for me; it was also good because now i am here present and so much more aware. Being fake horomone free helps a lot i am sure. I know i can not go back in time and change things and the best i can do is be better now. It still pains sometimes to see the gulf. How much of that is just the age though? Really with both girls. My beautiful cuddly baby will come to need me less and less with almost every passing day. But today i am basking in my family and what they need from me now.

This week as i was late and we thought maybe a decision was made. We are ready to start trying, so we will. Who knows how long that will take. However long it does is fine with us. How fun it will be to raise children together. I am looking forward to the next year and the changes and challenges it will bring.

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