Thursday, November 19, 2009
On year ago today i had the first glimpse of the beginning of a new journey. I should have paid closer attention to the clues that it would not be an easy journey. But i felt too awful to even notice. Of course the first few days i thought it was just some awful flu. It was not until i still felt sick 5 days later that i decided to get a test to confirm what i already knew in my heart. Ironically it was confirmed the day before thanksgiving that we would have another blessing to give thanks for.
The way i found out was such a clue as to how things would go. I was never that sick with aj, but every pregnancy is different. hurl a phrase that i could easily go without hearing again. I catch myself saying it often though. talk about irony. I so arrogantly expected that i would have an easy time again. And that if i stayed active and watched my weight that i would have the birth experience that i wanted(the joke was really on me when i realized that i needed it). I expected to get what i wanted. I was at one point accused of doing babies to avoid self-actualizing. Boy was that joke really on me. Because getting knocked on my ass at 28 weeks made doing it not optional.
I am no trying to claim that i had the most difficult pregnancy ever, i know of women who have been through much worse. But it was at all how i thought it would go. The fear that it let creep in my life is still somewhat crippling. I do not know how people live with that kind of fear all of their lives. That stronghold must be outright crippling. I am so grateful for the years that i was able to avoid it. But maybe that was more denial and pretend.
I almost feel guilty to complain about a hard pregnancy when i think of the women i know who give anything to have a baby themselves. Or how she came into the world. Because that was fairly uneventful. I know the scar on my body will fade a little more over time.
i wonder what will happen to the ones on my mind and soul.
When will the fear leave?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
So Sunday night i put TAbytha to bed in her crib. I thought it would take longer, but it was time. She was barely fitting in her bassinet. i need to find and post a pic to show how tight it really is. Not ready to pack away the bassinet yet, but time to start sleeping in the crib at least a few times a day. It is amazing how gigantor she looks in the bassinet and how small she looks in the crib.
The first night in the crib went well. A block of more then 6 hours, one i really needed. The second night not near as good. I will let you know how day 3 goes. Hopefully i can get a nice long block again tonight. Last night felt like every hour, i know i got one block close to 3, but i am wiped.
I expected to feel sad or something, but it just felt right. Maybe that only proves that it was time. Still loving our mommy baby dance, just know the days are numbered. Mommy little girl dance should be just as good.
i wanted to post and go deeper, but my fussy baby needs me to sideways nurse her to sleep.
Saturday, November 7, 2009
On Thursday my miracle turned 4 months. this picture is in the doctors office after exam and before the 4 shots and on oral vaccine. Yep i am all for vaccines. We get flu shots every year and swine flu this year. The nice thing about 38 is i don't politically correct so no new name here, it is swine flu. Sorry side rant. I tend to do those. So my healthy growing little girl weighed 15 pounds and 5 ounces and is 24 and 3/4 inches long. Wow i just can't believe it. What a miracle.
Now real traits of personality are starting to emerge. She is one happy talker. This week she has been very verbal. Nice and loud. Yeah. Kevin swears she laughed out loud last night. Too cute. The grin that she bursts into is truly touching. I will have to post a photo of it. I will look around and try to get on here this week.
Kind of nervous about the upcoming week. Kevin will be in sc for his last week of ministry classes. So just me and the girls. I hope that i the energy i need to be there for aj like she needs. Baby is still not sleeping as much as i would like. I was planning on putting her in the crib yesterday, but rethought that. Maybe when daddy gets back. i am sure she will be full time in the bed with me. Yep i am a vaccinator and i let the newborn sleep in my bed. She has a bassinet and starts the night there, just once she awakes i see no need to put her back in it.
No sad thoughts just joy about my Tabytha Joy! The name really seems to fit her. I feel like we really have a groove going. Looking forward to enjoying every bit of our mommy baby dance.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
So the bread obsession is rolling on. Some results are better then others. I am realizing that i will most likely need to invest in a good cookbook for the varieties that i want. So far i have one recipe that is a nah not again. It is a banana recipe from allrecipes.com, it was not terrible, just lacked flavor and my banana bread quick bread recipe is much better. I have one that has been made a few times and will stay in rotation i am sure. It is a rosemary bread recipe also from allrecipes.com. I have subbed slightly using part fresh rosemary from my garden and part already dried herbs.
I have tried 2 different oatmeal bread recipes and will most likely try both again as well any others in search of the one that is just right. I really want to play with some whole grain breads. i have some whole wheat flour and milled flax seeds in that effort. Now i just need to find a recipe that calls for them. It is challenging in this area to find whole wheat bread flour, so i hope that regular whole wheat flour will be ok.
My husband has mentioned an olive bread several times, so i will need to do one of those sometime soon as well. But i wonder how many jars of olives that will require. Looking forward to trying pizza dough one day as well.
Maybe this winter obsession will be one i develop some skill with. At least i might come up with some cute holiday gift ideas.
Still glad for any recipe suggestions.