Friday, September 18, 2009
Yesterday i had my first mat pilates class and my first accupuncture session. The ultimate definition of insanity seems to be doing the same old thing and expecting a different result. So along those lines i am willing to try a few new things. I have done mat classes in the past and ow this one is great. Lex is a great teacher. The class is challenging, in some parts more so then my reformer routine. It is also longer! So even more toning and calorie burning. Some posture defects were pointed out to me as being a major player in my leg difficulties so time to address that. I figure a class where posture is checked is a good thing. And if more intense work helps lift by butt again even better.
The accupuncture was very interesting. I do know that i feel better this morning. Stiff from the hour class yesterday, but the shoulder is just fine. I think i overtrained one day last week and my shoulder had nagged at me all week. So far today it is not talking at all. If a few sessions of accupuncture help, then what is the harm. Other things have helped to keep it managable, but i need to be fixed at this point. I need to be fixed for a lot more then just my messed up leg.
So next week i am starting a new bible study at a nearby church. Why not here? Well 2 main reasons. First right now i need to be fed. Show up and be refilled with the love of god and scripture. I have allowed a gap there and that needs to be corrected. Nothing like a Beth Moore study to get one back into the word. The second is that my circle has gotten entirely too small. Since that is an issue for me time to fix it as well. Hopefully between the class and the bible study god will put some more people into my path. And if not at least i have put some effort into it. Because no one can expect things to change by just sitting home and hoping.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Tabytha slept through the night. She went out shortly after 10 pm and woke at 5:10 this morning. I tossed quite a bit, but still this is a big breakthrough. I was just noticing yesterday how utterly exhausted i was. Since April that is only the fourth time that i have slept close to 7 hours in one straight block. In fact yesterday i was able to nap during the day for the first time in weeks. Hopefully, i will be all caught up again in a few days of sleeping like this. Or will last night just be a rare jewel of a night? Either way i will be fine because this is just a season. The question is will this be my last "season with a newborn"?
Not being sure if i can go through it all again has caused me to often times wish Tabytha would just stay this size. 2 weeks ago i noticed that it looked like she was trying to roll over. That made me a little sad because i just wanted her to stay this perfect little newborn. staying little and developing slow does not appear to be this baby's plan. And that is ok. I will savor fast with Tabytha. I love cooing with her. The verbal interaction we get is so touching. I am going to enjoy every moment for that moments sake. Not with that bitter sweetness that comes with focusing on the moment like it might be the last, but rather with the joy of watching a person reveal herself. That is truly one of the best marvels of watching a baby develop. That journey of watching a person revealed at their own pace. Not in a rush to outdo friends with milestones or thwarted to meet a mothers needs to hold an infant for as long as possible. Forgetting that might just be the biggest tragedy. So my plan is to savor and enjoy every moment with Tabytha at her pace. Somedays it would be nice to enjoy 7-10 pm with a baby that can be set down for more then 2 minutes without getting upset, but that is her journey.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Construction is almost done in the laundry room. I can not wait to have my washer back. I want to promise not to gripe about laundry for a month but doubt i can pull that one off. My kind neighbor and good friend has given me almost carte blanche access to her washer, but to not have bundle and go would be very nice. I am extremely thankful not to have had to hit the Laundromat the last week. Hopefully it will be placed in time for me to do some laundry tonight. The sad thing is that despite a load or more pretty much everyday next door it has piled up.
The last few days have been hard. Maybe it has been so for a week now. Tigger threw me off more then i thought. I feel like i am stuck watching everyone around me go on with their lives and i am being left behind. I am happy for them yet I don't how to get out of my rutt. A 9 week old is quite time consuming though. So i guess it is normal to feel confined during times like these. On an upside i have scheduled an accupuncture session for next week. The leg is trending better, but the lingering affects are fatiguing and upsetting. So it is time to get it fixed. Just no drugs that will affect breast feeding. I may fail at birth, but i will not fail at this.
In the last few days i have also realized that i am having a crisis of faith. The other day i almost published a post called is hope cruel? But sadly could not find the time or energy to do so. Are somethings harder for a person of faith to deal with? I believe in miracles and to the last minute thought i would get one. Maybe arrogantly expected one might a more accurate statement. I did get a miracle just now how i wanted it. Because a healthy baby is a miracle everytime any mother gets one. At my age perhaps a bit more. I need to focus on that rather then my unmet goals. I really thought by now it would not cut as much. Time for me to find something else to concentrate on. Now what is the big question.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Today i had to take my cat Tigger to be put down. i got tigger while pregnant with my daughter aj. He as nice for a few months and then not so much after that. I always said that he never loved me right. He had ben sick for a bit which is not surprising since he was 15 years old. A better person might have put him down a few months ago. I just could not put him down during the pregnancy from hell-the baby is an outright gift from God. So last night at 9:30 it became obvious it could no longer be put off. This morning he was loaded in the car and taken to be put out of his misery. I suspect it will take a few days for it to sink in. I had said a few times recently that it will be a relief because he was rather annoying and the wet food he needed had gotten a bit steep. But i do not feel relieved today. Out of sorts and rather off might be a better description.
I went to the mall and was not even in the mood to shop. Maybe that was guilt over how much my glasses cost. But i expect i will miss the old cat more then i thought. aj seems to be ok today. She got upset and said goodbye last night. Maybe i did need to say bye this morning. I had more thoughts for today, but a cranky baby says otherwise.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
So this week the long awaited project to fix the laundry room and kids bathroom began. The water damage was quite significant when we got in the walls, but contained within those areas so not as bad as we feared. The floor had to be completely rebuilt under the old shower joists and all. But thankfully we did not need to rebuild the entire room. That is the upside part of the project so far.
Now for the fun stuff, due to a scheduling issue the plumber will not be back until friday morning to re-run the plumbing in the laundry room, so no washer or dryer until friday. Also only 1 bathroom until at least then. The only work we can until is to put the slate flooring down in both rooms. Not looking forward to labor day weekend with all 6 of us in the house with only 1 bathroom. Hopefully we can get the sink and commode working friday. I doubt we can get the shower operational for the weekend. We can not do the tile surround until after the tub is placed. That might happen friday, or it might not. So best case is monday or tuesday to have the shower useable at all. Which is no fun because my 14 yr old can really live in the bathroom. But hubby is very motivated to get it done. but demo is over so the ac can go back on as the temps are supposed to rise the second half of the week.
As yet another fun side to the week i have taken a child to the doctors monday and again today. Really hope to not go back until Tabytha's well baby check up next thursday.
No real new progress on my idea but i am still working on it. I am waiting to bounce the idea off a few people including a good friend in the field. I think someone in the know will be better able to point me in the right direction. And there is no rush on this end, do i do have time to consider and reconsider the idea.
Still no pap results. I guess that is good news. By friday i will call if i have not heard anything. Everything feels so unsettled this week. i ant my house back together and everyone out of it. But praise God for the help.