Sunday, March 14, 2010

Back on the TTC Coaster

So time to go for it and throw caution to the wind. Ok so after finally cycling in december and then being 10 days late the following month we decided why not? Honestly i need to be done. I really can't hit pause and just hang out on this issue for another 18 months. This decision needs to be about our family and what is right for mommy's head. The sad thing is how quickly the v-bac/c-section crazy came back. I really thought i had made peace with it. I guess not. Thursday night i had a pretty descriptive dream of giving birth. Wishful thinking i am sure. It would still be nice though. I have a few places i am going to check though. It can't hurt,,,right?

Maybe it can. My husband is willing to cautiously precede with trying. He all but threatened to lock me up if i even suggested a home birth. So that is one crazy thought to keep to myself. honestly, not something i would even be comfortable with. Insurance requires me to stay in md and overall i am happy with my doc, just wished the did v-bac. My plan for now is to stay close to home. might as well be hospitalized 15 mins from home as anywhere else. And the nursing care really was/is top notch there. But a few calls to see if anyone will even give a 2 time looser like me a shot might be in order as well.

Of course a sane person would worry about that after getting pregnant. Maybe that distracts me from worrying about getting pregnant. I was 5 days later again this month. Today had i not started i was planning on testing. Eh well that saved me $15 at least. It would be nice to sail right into it again. But if it takes a longtime again, it takes a longtime again. Maybe though to start closer to ontime might be nice though. It was like just as you begin to think maybe?? Is it? The no comes somewhat loud and clear. Who knows by the end of the year i might decided that it is over. i tried hard not too pin so much hope on it this month, but i realized that i had.
Do they have a 12 step plan for going crazy about how to get pregnant and how they get out???

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