Thursday, October 15, 2009

Trusting that the healing will come

So doing a little better on the sleep.  Part of that is letting husband do a bit more.  Plus the cold snap seems to keep me in bed a little later.  Still stressed about several other things.  But the seem to be resolving.  Yeah!

Last night i did get a big revelation that i need to share.  So i have been asking and wondering when it will stop hurting.  Maybe my real question has been will it stop?  Well my answer is yes it will.  That knowledge comes from deep in my soul after listening to a good recording of the word.  The focus of the study was on Jesus as the good Sheppard.  That God will make us to lie down and take in hat we need for our good.  Just to know that it will stop hurting helps.  So when is becoming less important to me.  Would it be nice to know that someone will ask something on Nov 5 at 11 am and the answer will not hurt?  Of course.  That just thinking c-section number 3 won't make my throat hurt with choked back tears is relief enough for me.  

Now were i to turn up pregnant tomorrow i would hardly bounce into the doc's office perkily excited to schedule my next surgery.  But i know i can do it again if i have to, he will just have to give a month or two before scheduling it.  Honestly i am already at the where not having another child hurts more then having another surgery.  A miracle would still be nice.  And that is exactly what a baby is.  Even if the fuss most days from 7 pm till they drop off sometime after 9.  

So for both baby number three and the healing from how my children arrive will be left to God and his timing.  Nope not trying yet.  I doubt i will go the "ideal of 2 years" but really want more time to focus on tabytha and aj still.  but turning up pregnant next week would not be the nightmare that woke me up a few weeks ago either.  Will trusting the relief come help it come sooner?  
any tips on making my scar less noticeable?

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