Wednesday, September 9, 2009

random thoughts

Construction is almost done in the laundry room.  I can not wait to have my washer back.  I want to promise not to gripe about laundry for a month but doubt i can pull that one off.  My kind neighbor and good friend has given me almost carte blanche access to her washer, but to not have bundle and go would be very nice.  I am extremely thankful not to have had to hit the Laundromat the last week.  Hopefully it will be placed in time for me to do some laundry tonight. The sad thing is that despite a load or more pretty much everyday next door it has piled up.  

The last few days have been hard.  Maybe it has been so for a week now.  Tigger threw me off more then i thought.  I feel like i am stuck watching everyone around me go on with their lives and i am being left behind.  I am happy for them yet I don't how to get out of my rutt.   A 9 week old is quite time consuming though.  So i guess it is normal to feel confined during times like these.  On an upside i have scheduled an accupuncture session for next week.  The leg is trending better, but the lingering affects are fatiguing and upsetting.  So it is time to get it fixed.  Just no drugs that will affect breast feeding.  I may fail at birth, but i will not fail at this. 

In the last few days i have also realized that i am having a crisis of faith.  The other day i almost published a post called is hope cruel? But sadly could not find the time or energy to do so.  Are somethings harder for a person of faith to deal with?  I believe in miracles and to the last minute thought i would get one.  Maybe arrogantly expected one might  a more accurate statement.  I did get a miracle just now how i wanted it.  Because a healthy baby is a miracle everytime any mother gets one.  At my age perhaps a bit more.  I need to focus on that rather then my unmet goals.  I really thought by now it would not cut as much.  Time for me to find something else to concentrate on.  Now what is the big question.

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