Wednesday, September 16, 2009

A full nightssleep

Tabytha slept through the night.  She went out shortly after 10 pm and woke at 5:10 this morning.  I tossed quite a bit, but still this is a big breakthrough.  I was just noticing yesterday how utterly exhausted i was.  Since April that is only the fourth time that i have slept close to 7 hours in one straight block.  In fact yesterday i was able to nap during the day for the first time in weeks.  Hopefully, i will be all caught up again in a few days of sleeping like this.  Or will last night just be a rare jewel of a night?  Either way i will be fine because this is just a season.  The question is will this be my last "season with a newborn"?  

Not being sure if i can go through it all again has caused me to often times wish Tabytha would just stay this size.  2 weeks ago i noticed that it looked like she was trying to roll over.  That made me a little sad because i just wanted her to stay this perfect little newborn.  staying little and developing slow does not appear to be this baby's plan.  And that is ok.  I will savor fast with Tabytha.  I love cooing with her.  The verbal interaction we get is so touching.  I am going to enjoy every moment for that moments sake.  Not with that bitter sweetness that comes with focusing on the moment like it might be the last, but rather with the joy of watching a person reveal herself.  That is truly one of the best marvels of watching a baby develop.  That journey of watching a person revealed at their own pace.  Not in a rush to outdo friends with milestones or thwarted to meet a mothers needs to hold an infant for as long as possible.  Forgetting that might just be the biggest tragedy.  So my plan is to savor and enjoy every moment with Tabytha at her pace.  Somedays it would be nice to enjoy 7-10 pm with a baby that can be set down for more then 2 minutes without getting upset, but that is her journey.  

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