Thursday, August 13, 2009

I know that the sun will shine

Or alternate title I know that the baby will not be crank everyday.  Yesterday Miss Tabytha was off all day.  Thankfully she slept well though the night.  i handed her off at 9:30 and went to sleep.  She fussed awake right after that and daddy took care of getting her back to sleep.  My husband really is a great father.  In fact, he is so beating me at this parent thing right now.  

This morning after a night of sleep I know that everyday will not be like yesterday was.  I also know that I will not feel this sadness that has been like a cloak between me and the world forever.  So I do know that no matter how gray the moment might seem one day the sun will shine.  While pouring my tea i thought one day it will not matter how my daughter got here.  I have always believed that it was more important the she be ok, but there is still an ache to have not given birth.  Surgery is not giving birth.  But I am hopeful that soon the feeling of loss over not haven given birth will go away.  I know that hormones and the whole birth thing in general will go away soon.  I hope so.  The funny thing is that writing this if feels like I am being whiny.  I am sorry if it seems that way.  I even get how in the grand scheme of things this is not so big, but it is how I feel today.  Which i can say is better then how i felt a few weeks ago even.  
I am still left wondering who sets out to do this to themselves?

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