Thursday, August 13, 2009
I know that the sun will shine
Or alternate title I know that the baby will not be crank everyday. Yesterday Miss Tabytha was off all day. Thankfully she slept well though the night. i handed her off at 9:30 and went to sleep. She fussed awake right after that and daddy took care of getting her back to sleep. My husband really is a great father. In fact, he is so beating me at this parent thing right now.
This morning after a night of sleep I know that everyday will not be like yesterday was. I also know that I will not feel this sadness that has been like a cloak between me and the world forever. So I do know that no matter how gray the moment might seem one day the sun will shine. While pouring my tea i thought one day it will not matter how my daughter got here. I have always believed that it was more important the she be ok, but there is still an ache to have not given birth. Surgery is not giving birth. But I am hopeful that soon the feeling of loss over not haven given birth will go away. I know that hormones and the whole birth thing in general will go away soon. I hope so. The funny thing is that writing this if feels like I am being whiny. I am sorry if it seems that way. I even get how in the grand scheme of things this is not so big, but it is how I feel today. Which i can say is better then how i felt a few weeks ago even.
I am still left wondering who sets out to do this to themselves?