Thursday, August 20, 2009

The end of summer

Yesterday i was looking at my uber talented friend's Heather's flickr stream and she has posted some shots of dying corn that she labeled the summer's end and seeing them made me a little sad.  It is sort of funny because my next thought was that it barely felt like we had a summer at all.  But it did really get me thinking and i wanted to post some random thoughts on summer and ends.  Yes I know technically summer does not end for another month and labor day is 2 weeks away, but next week the kids start school and well let's face it that is the end of summer. 

Are endings always sad?  I think in a way they generally are.   The Sunday night I went into the hospital to have the baby I did feel a tinge of sadness along with the nerves.  I was nervous because somehow deep inside i knew that if I walked into maternity he was going in to take the baby.  But I was also a little sad because I knew that was the end of the pregnancy.  Even though it felt like the pregnancy from hell, i was sad to see it end.  And not just because I did not get my bellycast done.  That may well prove to be the last time I felt a child move inside me(odd to miss that after the way Tabytha battered me).  The night before may prove to be the last time i looked on my full ripe pregnancy created curves.  I did not feel that happy about my pregnancy tummy when trying to chop vegetables, but that is another thought stream.  I wonder how much of the post baby blues is linked to a sadness over the end of something.  

Every ending brings a new beginning.  I do love the new beginning of getting to know my precious long awaited baby girl.  I really wish she could give one night with a nice 6 hour block though.  Come on baby once a week just to help your momma out.  But eh sleep i can do that later.  I might never again hold a cooing infant.  A screaming one does not generate the same ahhh feeling somehow.   Each milestone seems like a delight and a loss at the same time.  To borrow a phrase from the equally talented Derrika the halycon days of childhood are fleeting.  Is it that knowledge that motivates women to go through it all again?

Summer, summer is it even a summer at all with no trips to the beach?  That will hopefully be corrected Friday and Tuesday.  Even as i think fondly of summer and sadly of it ending, I also focus on the delights of the fall to come.  Wow my daughter starts high school this year.  In 4 years, God willing, I will be packing her up and settling her into college.  That year I will send one child off into adulthood with the start of college and the other one will be just starting her school journey in pre-school.  wow in black and white that seems so overwhelming.  wow.  

For the next 6 days at i plan on enjoying the last fleeting moments of summer and the freedom it brings.   

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