Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Living in the Land of Can't
Living in the Land of can't is no fun at all. It feels like I have ben stuck there since Spring. Thanks to pregnancy in general and a nice little complication in general it felt like the pregnancy was all about living in the land of can't.
The food limitations were not so bad. I can give up Sushi and brie cheese for a few short months--of course I forgot no sushi until after breastfeeding was done. Feta and goat cheese were easier to skip until you go to a restaurant and try to order a salad beyond a basic tossed. Add blue cheese and at least where I live just request no cheese. But really not that bad. After all it is only a season.
The physical limits are and were much worse. No lifting, no pilates, no being a wife, no a whole lot else. Monday a lot of those go away and boy am I ready. But today I had a bit of a revelation while trying to stretch and listening to Joyce Meyer. As someone who is normally quite limber fighting through just to touch my toes was no fun-but that is not so much the point. I realized that I was the person locking myself in the land of can't. Not my doctor or the pregnancy, but me. There is so much I can do, but i ignore of neglect those and focus on what I can not do. So today I have a choice to keep whining or to be grateful for what I can do.
One of those things is hold my new baby. My baby who was delivered at term, who left the hospital the day I did. Not something I thought would happen when I lost my mind and had some pre-term contractions at 28 weeks, even my doctors were unsure I would make it to term. To have done so with no bleeding was even more remarkable. I know many people that would give anything just to get pregnant. A baby that appears to be perfectly healthy. A year ago I felt the same thing myself. I remember seeing a friend who just had a baby and while being so happy for her, being at the same time sad and a little envious.
So for today at least I am going to focus on my can dos. That is my plan/goal at least.